99 Ways (and More) to Tell Goldilocks

June 14, 2011

Goldiharvey and the Three Bears

Once upon a time there was a little boy named Goldiharvey.

One day Goldiharvey was kicked out of his house because he tried to flush the cat down the toilet. He was told to not come home until dinnertime.

So Goldiharvey decided he would take a walk in the woods.

As he tripped along through the forests he stepped on flowers and kicked small animals. It was a beautiful day.

Soon after he kicked his fourth chipmunk, he rounded a bend in the forest path and saw before him a small wooden house. “What a nice house,” said Goldiharvey. “I hope nobody’s home.”

He walked up to the door and knocked politely. No one answered.

He knocked again, louder. No one answered.

He kicked in the door.

No one was home.

“I wonder if there’s any food in this house?” said Goldiharvey. “It’s been a whole hour since I’ve eaten.”

He looked in the refrigerator. There was nothing there but bones. He ripped off the refrigerator door and kicked the bones around.

He looked in the cupboards. There was nothing there but bones. He ripped off the cupboard doors and kicked the bones around.

Then he glanced at the kitchen table. There on the table were three bowls of porridge–a great big bowl, a middle-sized bowl, and a little baby bowl–freshly made and ready to be eaten.

He went first to the great big bowl of porridge, for he had a big appetite. He took a bite. “Yuck!” he said. “This is awful!” And he threw the bowl of porridge at the wall.

Then he went to the middle-sized bowl of porridge. He took a bite. “Yuck!” he said. “This is awful too!” And he threw the bowl of porridge at the wall.

Then he went to the little baby bowl and took a bite. “Yuck!” he said. “This is terrible too! Doesn’t anyone around here know how to make porridge?” And he picked up the bowl and threw it at the wall.

Now all the throwing had made him tired. He looked around for a place to sit down.

There in the living room he saw three chairs. A great big chair, a middle-sized chair, and a little baby chair.

He first tried to sit in the big chair. “Yuck,” said Goldiharvey. “This chair is way too hard!” He picked it up and threw it through a great big window.

Then he sat in the middle-sized chair. “Yuck,” he said. “This chair is way too soft!” He picked it up and threw it through a middle-sized window.

Then he sat in the little baby chair. “Yuck,” he said. “This chair is way too little! Only a baby could fit in it!” He picked up the little baby chair and threw it through a little baby window.

Now this throwing had made him very tired. He looked around to see if there was some comfortable place to lie down. There was not.

But he did see some stairs that led up to a second floor. He went up them, hoping that he would find a bed there.

He did. The stairs led to a bedroom. In the bedroom were three beds: a great big bed, a middle-sized bed, and a little baby bed.

He first lay down on the great big bed. “Yuck!” said Goldiharvey. “This bed is much too hard!” And he picked it up and threw it out the bedroom window.

Then he lay down on the middle-sized bed. “Yuck!” he said. “This bed is much too soft! I hate soft beds!” He picked up the middle-sized bed and threw it out the window.

Then he lay down on the little baby bed. “Yuck,” he said. “This bed is so small I can’t even stretch out.” And he picked it up and threw it out the bedroom window.

Just then the bedroom door burst open. “WHO’S BEEN THROWING BEDS OUT OF MY WINDOW!” growled a deep voice.

Before Goldiharvey could jump out of the bedroom window and escape, a huge paw grabbed him, then another one. Goldiharvey was lifted high in the air.

Then the big papa bear, who had just come home from a walk with his wife and baby, and was very upset to find his furniture and windows broken, ate Goldiharvey in one bite–except for Goldiharvey’s left leg, which he gave to the Mama bear, and for Goldiharvey’s right leg, which he gave to the Baby bear.

And they all lived happily ever after, except for Goldiharvey, who was dead.

Moral: Don’t be bad, or someday a bear will eat you.

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June 14, 2011

Goldicat

By rockcanyon

Meow Meow house

Scratch Scratch

Meow Meow go in

Sniff Sniff

Porridge!

Meow Meow HOT

Meow Meow COLD

Meow Meow just right.

Prrrrrrrrrrr.

Meow Meow chairs

Meow Meow HARD

Meow Meow SOFT

Meow Meow just right.

Prrrrrrrrrrr.

YAAAAWN!

Meow Meow beds

Meow Meow HARD

Meow Meow SOFT

Meow Meow just right.

Prrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

“WHO’S THAT SLEEPING IN MY BED!”

Meow BEARS! Meow BEARS! RRRRAERRR! THFFFT!

Meow Window!

Meow Run! Run! Run!

Meow Safe.

Prrrrrrrrrrrr.

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June 14, 2011

Goldilocks in an Alternate Dimension

By rockcanyon

Once upon a time there were three Bears.

A Papa bear, a mama bear, and a little baby bear.

They all lived in a small house in the forest.

One morning Mama bear prepared breakfast. And the three Bears sat down to their bowls of porridge.

But the porridge was too hot! So the three Bears decided to go for a walk while the porridge cooled.

Soon after they left, along came a little girl. She knocked on the door. No one answered. So she went in. Her name was Goldilocks.

Goldilocks found herself in the kitchen. On the table she saw three bowls of porridge.

Goldilocks was hungry! So she sat down to eat. She tasted the big bowl of porridge. But it was too hot. Next she tasted the medium-sized bowl of porridge. But it was too cold.

Then she tasted the little baby bowl of porridge. It was just right.

And she ate it all up.

Goldilocks was tired. She saw three chairs. She sat in the big chair. But it was too hard.

She sat in the medium-sized chair. But it was too soft.

Then she sat in the little baby chair. It was just right.

And then CRASH! The chair broke and Goldilocks fell to the floor.

Goldilocks was sleepy. She went upstairs. There she found three beds. She lay down in the big bed. But it was too hard. She lay down in the medium-sized bed. But it was too soft.

Then she lay down on the little baby bed. It was just right.

And Goldilocks was soon fast asleep.

And while she slept the three Bears came home.

Papa bear looked at the kitchen table and said, “Smell’s good, let’s eat!”

“Let’s eat!” said Mama bear.

“I’m already eating!” said little baby bear. “And it’s delicious!”

“I’m going to sit in my chair!” said Papa bear.

“I’m going to sit in my chair!” said Mama bear.

“I’m already sitting in my chair!” said little baby bear. “And it feels great!”

“I’m going to take a nap!” said Papa bear.

“I’m going to take a nap!” said Mama bear.

“I’m already taking a nap!” said little baby bear. “So turn out the lights!”

Goldilocks woke up, yawned, looked around the empty room, got up, and went home.

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June 14, 2011

Goldilocks in Charge

By rockcanyon

Once there was a girl named Goldilocks. She was walking through the forest one day when she came to a house. She knocked. No one answered. She went in. There on the table were three bowls of porridge. She tasted them. “Yuck!” she said. She pulled some cinnamon and sugar from her pocket and put them on the porridge. Then she tasted again. “That’s better.”

There were three chairs in the parlor. She sat on each of them. “Ouch!” she said. They were too hard. She found pillows in the corner and sewed them into comfortably cushions for the chairs. She sat down again. “That’s better.”

After she had rested, she went upstairs. There were three beds. They were a mess. Quilts thrown here, sheets thrown there. “Three pigs must live here,” said Goldilocks, and she made the three beds, and tucked the corners in tight. “That’s better.”

Then she heard someone opening the door to the house. She stood up straight and marched down the stairs.

There in the doorway were three bears, a Papa bear, a Mama bear, and a little baby bear. “HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN…” the papa bear began.

“It’s about time you came home,” stated Goldilocks. “And I must say, it’s a good thing I came along when I did.” She grabbed the baby bear’s paw and dragged him to the table. “Now finish your porridge, and I don’t want to see you up from that table until you’ve cleaned your bowl.”

Then she turned to the Papa and Mama bear. “And you should be ashamed. Letting your child leave the house without his breakfast. Now you two get over here and finish your breakfasts too. No complaints now, hurry, hurry.”

Mama and Papa bear were so surprised that they sat at the table and began eating.

“Yuck!” said Mama, Papa, and baby bear. “What did you do to our porridge!”

“I made it edible,” said Goldilocks.

“But it just needed to cool down,” said Mama bear. “It was just fine.”

After breakfast Goldilocks showed the three bears their new chairs. “Now you be careful and don’t rip these cushions.”

The bears sat down. “You’ve ruined our chairs!” said Papa bear. “If we want comfortable we sit on those pillows in the…” Then he noticed there were no pillows in the corner. Papa bear began to turn red.

But before he could eat Goldilocks she shoved them upstairs. “When I came in here these beds looked like they’d exploded. There’ll be no more of that. From now on beds will be made as soon as you wake up and they will stay made all day. There will be no breakfast until all beds are made to my satisfaction.”

“What a waste,” said baby bear. “How can we take afternoon naps if our beds have to stay made.”

And there was more. Goldilocks made the bears pick up their clothes, which were scattered around the room.

Then she made them wash the walls, all through the house,

and mop the floors,

and paint the shutters,

and rake the leaves.

She made them do their exercises,

and drink lots of juice,

and take their naps (though the beds had to stay made).

“From now on things are going to be different around here,” said Goldilocks as she made them lie down.

Then she closed the shutters and went downstairs to rearrange the cupboards.

In the dark, where he couldn’t sleep, because who could sleep on a made bed, Papa bear began to fume. He thought of the porridge, and the chairs, and the beds, and the floors, and walls, and shutters, and leaves, and exercises, and juice. This was not the way he wanted to live. He and his family had been very happy before this, this Goldilocks had come.

Finally he could take it no longer.

He jumped out of bed and ran down the stairs. Mama bear and baby bear were right behind him. “YOU!” he said to Goldilocks. “GET OUT! GET OUT RIGHT NOW BEFORE I EAT YOU!”

“My goodness!” she said as Papa bear picked her up. “I believe you would. I can see that you’re beyond help and that my services would be more appreciated elsewhere.”

“I doubt it,” said Papa bear as he threw her outside.

Then Papa bear, Mama bear, and the little baby bear took the pads off the chairs, threw out the sugar and cinnamon, and messed up their beds.

And they lived happily ever after.

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June 14, 2011

Minimalist Goldie

By rockcanyon

Porridge, too hot.

Bears walk.

Girl comes, tastes porridge.

Breaks chair.

Falls asleep in bed.

Bears come back.

See porridge.

See chairs.

See girl.

Girl jumps out window.

Bears never see her again.

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June 14, 2011

Monster

By rockcanyon

Once upon a time there were three Bears.

A Papa bear, a mama bear, and a little baby bear.

They all lived in a small house in the forest.

One morning Mama bear prepared breakfast. And the three Bears sat down to their bowls of porridge.

But the porridge was too hot! So the three Bears decided to go for a walk while the porridge cooled.

Soon after they left, along came a little girl. She knocked on the door. No one answered. So she went in. Her name was Goldilocks.

Goldilocks found herself in the kitchen. On the table she saw three bowls of porridge.

Goldilocks was hungry! So she sat down to eat. She tasted the big bowl of porridge. But it was too hot. Next she tasted the medium-sized bowl of porridge. But it was too cold.

Then she tasted the little baby bowl of porridge. It was just right.

And she ate it all up.

Goldilocks was tired. She saw three chairs. She sat in the big chair. But it was too hard.

She sat in the medium-sized chair. But it was too soft.

Then she sat in the little baby chair. It was just right.

And then CRASH! The chair broke and Goldilocks fell to the floor.

Goldilocks was sleepy. She went upstairs. There she found three beds. She lay down in the big bed. But it was too hard. She lay down in the medium-sized bed. But it was too soft.

Then she lay down on the little baby bed. It was just right.

And Goldilocks was soon fast asleep.

And while she slept the three Bears came home.

Papa bear looked at the kitchen table and said, “Someone’s been eating my porridge!”

“Someone’s been eating my porridge!” said Mama bear.

“Someone’s been eating my porridge!” said little baby bear. “And they ate it all up!”

“Someone’s been sitting in my chair!” said Papa bear.

“Someone’s been sitting in my chair!” said Mama bear.

“Someone’s been sitting in my chair!” said little baby bear. “And they broke it to bits!”

“Someone’s been sleeping in my bed!” Papa bear began.

“Hi!” said Goldilocks. (She’s a really hideous looking monster with blond hair.)

And with that, the three Bears screamed, and jumped out the window.

And ran away. And they were never seen again.

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June 14, 2011

Ohhhh! Boy! Yes!

By rockcanyon

(Note: Topic–Interjections. This is the story of the Three Bears. The text is all interjections. Illustration notes are in parentheses. Besides the three bears, a mouse, or other small creature who lives in the house, also comments on the action.)

(The Three Bears are at the breakfast table, looking forward to their breakfast porridge.)

(Papa) Ohhhh!

(Baby) Boy!

(Mama) Yes!

(The Bears taste the porridge. It’s too hot.)

(Papa) Yeow!

(Mama) Ouch!

(Baby) Yikes!

(The Bears wave to the house as they take off on their walk. The mouse stays behind and waves to the Bears.)

(Papa) Farewell!

(Mama) Adieu!

(Baby) Bye-bye!

(Mouse) adios!

(Goldilocks sees the house. Unless otherwise noted, from here on, the exclamations come from Goldilocks.)

Oh!

(Goldilocks knocks on the door.)

Hey!

(She opens the door and walks in. The mouse, ready to eat the porridge, is startled by the intruder.)

Hello?

(Mouse) avast!

(Goldilocks sees the porridge. The mouse is frightened away from it.)

Goody!

(Mouse) oh oh!

(Goldilocks tastes Papa Bear’s porridge.)

Whoa!

(Mouse) now now!

(Goldilocks tastes Mama Bear’s porridge.)

Brrr!

(Mouse) shoo!

(Goldilocks tastes Baby Bear’s porridge. The mouse, clearly upset that Goldilocks is eating the porridge, picks up a toothpick and challenges Goldilocks.)

Yum!

(Mouse) en garde!

(Tired Goldilocks looks for a place to rest. The mouse attacks Mama Bear’s porridge.)

Well!

(Mouse) whoopee!

(Goldilocks sits in Papa Bear’s chair. The mouse disapproves of her intrusions.)

Bah!

(Mouse) tut-tut!

(Goldilocks sits in Mama Bear’s chair.)

Uh-Uh.

(Mouse) tsk-tsk!

(Goldilocks sits in Baby Bear’s chair.)

Ah!

(Mouse) heads up!

(The chair breaks and Goldilocks falls to the floor.)

Whoops!

(Mouse) gesundheit!

(Goldilocks looks to a hall, for another place to rest.)

Halloo!

(Mouse) hullo!

(She enters the bedroom.)

Aha!

(Mouse) oho!

(She tries Papa Bear’s bed.)

Ugh!

(Mouse) gracious!

(She tries Mama Bear’s bed.)

Nope!

(Mouse) gracious me!

(She tries Baby Bear’s bed.)

Aw!

(Mouse) rockabye!

(Goldilocks falls asleep. Quiet. No interjections.)

(The Bears come home. Still quiet, except for the mouse.)

(Mouse) whoopee!

(The Bears see the porridge.)

(Papa) Ahem!

(Mama) My!

(Baby) What?!

(Mouse) yeah!

(The Bears see the chairs.)

(Papa) Eh?

(Mama) My word!

(Baby) Phooey!

(Mouse) and how!

(The mouse leads the Bears down the hall to the bedroom.)

(Mouse) ahoy!

(The Bears see the beds. Baby Bear discovers Goldilocks. The mouse comments on Baby Bears discovery.)

(Papa) Huh?

(Mama) My stars!

(Baby) Hey!

(Mouse) eureka!

(Goldilocks wakes up and sees the bears.)

Oh!

(Mouse) peekaboo!

(Now Goldilocks realizes her predicament.)

Oh no!

(Mouse) oh yeah!

(Goldilocks jumps out the window and runs away. The Bears look after her, stunned.)

(Mouse) giddyap!

(The Bears still look amazed.)

(Baby) Wowie-Zowie!

(Mama) Wowie!

(Papa) Wow!

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June 14, 2011

Don’t You Have a Life?

By rockcanyon

Once upon a time there were three Bears.

A Papa bear, a mama bear, and a little baby bear.

They all lived in a small house in the forest.

One morning Mama bear prepared breakfast. And the three Bears sat down to their bowls of porridge.

But the porridge was too hot! So the three Bears decided to go for a walk while the porridge cooled.

Soon after they left, along came a little girl. Her name was Goldilocks.

She knocked on the door.

The door opened. There was no one there.

Goldilocks entered carefully.