Goldilocks an’ th’ Three Bears

Told in Redneck

Once upon a time thar were three Bears.

A Papa bar, a mama bar, an’ a li’l baby bar.

They all lived in a small house in th’ fo’est.

One mo’nin’ Mama bar prepared bustfast. An’ th’ three Bears sat down t’their bowls of po’ridge.

But th’ po’ridge was too hot! Fry mah hide! So th’ three Bears decided t’go fo’ a walk while th’ po’ridge right fineed, cuss it all t’ tarnation.

Soon af’er they lef’, along came a li’l gal. She knocked on th’ dore. No one answered, cuss it all t’ tarnation. So she went in, as enny fool kin plainly see. Her name was Goldilocks.

Goldilocks foun’ herse’f in th’ kitchen, as enny fool kin plainly see. On th’ table she sar three bowls of po’ridge.

Goldilocks was hungry! Fry mah hide! So she sat down t’eat. She tasted th’ trimenjus bowl of po’ridge. But it was too hot.

Next she tasted th’ medium-sized bowl of po’ridge. But it was too cold, cuss it all t’ tarnation.

Then she tasted th’ li’l baby bowl of po’ridge. It was jest right.

An’ she ett it all up.

Goldilocks was tired, cuss it all t’ tarnation. She sar three chairs. She sat in th’ trimenjus chair. But it was too hard, cuss it all t’ tarnation.

She sat in th’ medium-sized chair. But it was too sof’.

Then she sat in th’ li’l baby chair. It was jest right.

An’ then CRASH! Fry mah hide! Th’ chair busted an’ Goldilocks fell t’th’ flore.

Goldilocks was sleepy. She went upstairs. Thar she foun’ three beds. She lay down in th’ trimenjus bed, cuss it all t’ tarnation. But it was too hard, cuss it all t’ tarnation.

She lay down in th’ medium-sized bed, cuss it all t’ tarnation. But it was too sof’.

Then she lay down on th’ li’l baby bed, cuss it all t’ tarnation. It was jest right.

An’ Goldilocks was soon fast asleep.

An’ while she slepp th’ three Bears came home.

Papa bar looked at th’ kitchen table an’ said, “Someone’s been eatin’ mah po’ridge!”

“Someone’s been eatin’ mah po’ridge!” said Mama bar.

“Someone’s been eatin’ mah po’ridge!” said li’l baby bar. “An’ they ett it all up! Fry mah hide!”

“Someone’s been sittin’ in mah chair! Fry mah hide!” said Papa bar.

“Someone’s been sittin’ in mah chair! Fry mah hide!” said Mama bar.

“Someone’s been sittin’ in mah chair! Fry mah hide!” said li’l baby bar. “An’ they busted it t’bits!”

“Someone’s been sleepin’ in mah bed! Fry mah hide!” said Papa bar.

“Someone’s been sleepin’ in mah bed! Fry mah hide!” said Mama bar.

“Someone’s been sleepin’ in mah bed! Fry mah hide!” said li’l baby bar. “An’ she’s still hyar! Fry mah hide!”

An’ wif thet, Goldilocks woke up, sar th’ three Bears, screamed, an’ jumped out th’ window

An’ scooted away. An’ th’ three Bears nevah sar her agin.

About rockcanyon

Rick Walton has worked as a cook in a Mexican restaurant, a secretary, a missionary, an arts administrator, a school teacher, and a computer software writer and designer. But now he has the best job of all–writing for children. He is the author of over eighty books for children. His works include joke books, picture books, a collection of poetry, activity books, a play, mini-mysteries, and educational software. He loves to read, travel, play the guitar, study foreign languages, and write. Rick graduated from Brigham Young University in Spanish, with a Portuguese minor. His wife, Ann, is a computer programmer who has worked for IBM, Novell, and WordPerfect, and who nows works for Rick. They have five children. They live in a hodge-podge house on a secluded lot with a thousand trees, in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains. View all posts by rockcanyon

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